Again, Singe Singe was called upon to do my biography, because I was too busy learning how to play the guitar while skateboarding in a bright orange skating suit while wearing only one sock. I had to concentrate.
Singe Singe was playing solitaire, so I thought he would be up to the challenge.
How to spot a Kathy Ellen by Singe Singe Davis.
Look around you.
Find the person that looks the most fun and has the most art supplies/the most notebooks.
And is wearing the most colors.
Ask her if her name is Kathy Ellen. (yes, use BOTH names. ALWAYS!)
If she says yes, you’ve found her.
Longer version (recommended if you have time, very comprehensive!)
The rare Kathy Ellen (latin name: Kathacus Ellenacus) is hard to spot, but luckily you have me on your side.
I’ve spent five years with this rare specimen,
so I can give you some tips. Here’s what to look for:
-A mop of thick auburn hair
-a smile. She’s almost always smiling!
-colorful clothes. That girl wears AT LEAST three colors at a time.
-she may be on the move. She’s rarely sitting still. Look for cartwheels, handstands, and capoeira.
-and she’s probably doing something artsy. Like drawing, or painting, or writing.
-or she’s working as a history presenter for 4th, 5th, and 6th graders. She’ll have a microphone in that case.
Found her? GOOD!
Now, her are some tips for a successful interaction with Kathacus Ellenacus:
-use her entire first name when you talk to her: KATHY ELLEN. Don’t call her Kathy. It will get ugly.
-play a game with her. She loves to play.
-She’s a proud member of the Professional Organization of English Majors, so feel free to bring up grammar questions.
-Not sure what to talk about?
Ask her about driving a firetruck,
having a mullet twice in her life,
playing Clifford the big red dog,
how she managed to babysit 34 children at once,
or what, according to her mother, she “wasn’t raised to do.”
That’ll keep you talking for a while.
Also, if things start to go wrong,
start reading a children’s book to her.
And if they start going REALLY WRONG,
read the book but also order pizza
and a three scoop sundae.
Strawberry, Vanilla, and Orange Sherbet with
gummi bears, sprinkles, whipped cream and two cherries.
That oughta do it.
In case none of this has helped, here are some pictures of Kathy Ellen in the wild:
May the force be with you.
Singe Singe Davis