One Month as a Mama.

      I want to chronicle my journey as a Mama
with some memories and moments.
I’ll start with the prompt,
“I WANT TO REMEMBER”
and go from there.

I will do a separate one for the birth;
this is going to be for the first month 🙂
And I’ll end with “I LOOK FORWARD TO”
as a little jumping off point for the next month!

I want to remember
the phone call Danny made
asking about an appointment for the birth certificate.
The woman asked who the appointment was for
and he said, “My daughter, Rosemary,”
and it was the first time he had said my daughter,
and I about lost it.

I want to remember
setting up an email address for Rosemary
and sending her emails from my phone,
quick little notes about how the day was going
or what she was doing, or what we were doing.

I want to remember
the hard first week
where we didn’t sleep much
and I could barely sit
and I was in the house home all day
and she was so little,
barely wearing any clothes.
Just in her diaper and on me.

I want to remember
my first trip out,
on Day 4, without her,
going to Target to pick up food for my lunches
but also a dress for her.
I bought two dresses,
a pair of leggings,
and a onesie.
I was kind of tired,
and had to pause after walking a few aisles.
But when I got home,
I felt a little more like me again.

I want to remember
that the first thing I started doing for me
was reading.
I read a ton of books while I was nursing,
and it felt like a little return to myself.

I want to remember
all the Powerade zero I was drinking.
I never drank it before
but I LOVED it.

I want to remember
how Rosemary sleeps sometimes,
with her hands behind her head, chicken winging out.
Just like her Papa.

I want to remember
how we use the flashlight on the Iphone
as the nightlight.

I want to remember
how, when I need to put Rosemary down
because I have to do something for a second,
I lay her on her back on the floor
and we call that, “abandoned baby,”
because one time I did that just to go to the bathroom
and Danny, who was busy at the time and then wasn’t,
came across her and called her that.

I want to remember
Kim coming over to help me
get her out of the house and to the doctor
and how we got asked a bunch of questions
but I had all the answers thanks to our awesome midwife.

I want to remember
that we were so worried
because she hadn’t pooped in two days
and then she had this huge poop
so we knew she was getting enough to eat.

I want to remember
her little owl dress,
newborn sized,
that she wore once and can no longer
fit into.

I want to remember
her face getting all serious
when we sit her in the car seat.

I want to remember
how happy we were
when we discovered
how much she loves the water
and all the fun she has in the bath.

I want to remember
how excited all of her family is on the East Coast,
even though they don’t get to see her
except in pictures and video,
and how much they love her already,
and how they can’t wait to see her at Christmas.

I want to remember
all the yummy food we got from friends,
and all the visits we had from them too.
Both were nourishing.

I want to remember
going to Sara and Jose’s house
and how Rosemary slept for so long
that we had to put her in a basket in the middle of the table
while we ate homemade pizza.

I want to remember
changing her diaper in my lap
at Sara and Jose’s
and how she peed all over me
and on their couch.

I want to remember
meeting Danny in Watsonville
and how Merlin loved her,
and Chris and Lindsay too.
Chris took her out of her carseat
and put her on his chest
and she butted right up to his beard
and was so comfy there.

I want to remember
how I followed all the rules before her professional photo shoot,
about keeping her awake and only feeding her right before,
because she was supposed to go to sleep,
but she DID NOT
so most of the pictures we got are her with her eyes open
but that’s ok because it shows her personality anyway.

I want to remember
how the knitting ladies at the library
just FAWNED over her
and thought she was the best.

I want to remember
how everyone thinks Rosemary
is a great name.

I want to remember
how she slept through the capoeira roda
and the live drumming afterwards
but woke up in Target to no noise,
so I had to push the cart with one hand
and hold her to nurse with the other one.

I want to remember
how, when she’s done eating,
she DRAMATICALLY pulls herself off,
throws her head back,
and emits this long sigh.

I want to remember
how sometimes she has to make herself cry
but the second I hold her horizontal,
like I’m going to feed her?
She stops.

I want to remember
how she fits in our bed
and when she falls asleep
I know I should try too
but Danny and I just lay there
staring at her and saying how cute she is.

I want to remember
how sometimes,
when Danny and Rosemary
are both asleep,
that they are sleeping
in the exact same positions.

I want to remember
how when they are asleep,
I just turn and look from one to the other
and can’t believe how lucky I am
to have such great family members
and loves of my life.

I want to remember
that one night a few nights ago
where she was frantically feeding
and crying
and not latching on
and I put her in her lion sleeper
and she cried
and I just needed to be in bed
with no one on me
by myself for a bit
and Danny woke up
and took her out into the living room
onto the LazyBoy
and rocked her for an hour
so I could sleep
and she would sleep.

I want to remember
how Danny changes most of the diapers
and felt bad that one time
that he forgot
to tie the bag for the diaper service.

I want to remember
how much we laughed
and messed up
our first Wednesday Dance with her
to the Lion King’s Circle of Life.
It took three takes
but we were having so much fun!

I want to remember
all the thoughtful gifts people
have sent to her.

I want to remember
looking at her one day
and noticing her hair getting longer,
and her eyelashes,
and her head getting longer too.

I want to remember
how proud she is when she latches on
and her little forehead wrinkles,
like she’s working hard.

I want to remember
how Danny holds her,
bouncing her around like she’s walking,
which really makes her look like a dinosaur.

I want to remember
her meeting everyone at Hicklebee’s
and at Bookshop Bookclub
and all the times that she’s met people.
I knew I was loved,
and Danny and I were loved,
but it makes me so happy
to see so many people falling in love with Rosemary too.

I want to remember
how I can put her in the car seat in the stroller
and we can take off for an hour long walk
and she naps
and I listen to podcasts
and I feel so much better
about the day when we’re done.

I want to remember
buying newborn onesies for her
and then realizing she couldn’t even wear them
because she was already in 0-3 month clothes.

I want to remember
the first time she took a bottle
and gulped down all that milk
I had worked so hard to pump out!

I want to remember
that the MY BREST FRIEND pillow
is seriously
THE BEST.

I look forward to
her growing more
and learning how big she really is
when we head to the doctor.

I look forward to
seeing our midwife Laura again
and seeing what we get back from insurance copays
for the midwife care.

I look forward to
more fun pictures of her,
more laughs with her,
the Chili Cookoff,
and all the fun things
the rest of September
and the beginning of October will me.

I look forward to
writing everyday
and getting back to working a little bit
at the bookstore.

I look forward to every afternoon,
and every Monday,
and every weekend,
so we can all be together
as a family.

I look forward
to month
number 2.